Vatican Officially Condones H2Oi After Venue Was Finally Announced

VATICAN CITY- After much deliberation, the Roman Catholic Church has come forth with a statement officially endorsing H2Oi after Pope Benedict XVI was made aware that the venue was finally announced. Most Blessed Sacrament Catholic School in Berlin Maryland has been chosen for this year’s festivities, now with the blessing of the Supreme Pontiff.

Pope Benedict XVI, keeping his Pope hand strong.

Once the long standing supporter of German-themed youth organizations heard what the event was all about, he intended to make the journey from his home at the Vatican. Unfortunately, he  found making travel arrangements with so little notice would be cost prohibitive, even for the head of the largest Christian church in the world.

“I had planned to make the trip by boat with my 1999 VW Golf,” said Benedict XVI, “but with just over a month left before the event, no cargo ships would give me a reasonable fare. I had hoped the event’s organizers wouldn’t take so long with the announcement, but my prayers went unanswered. I’ve been dialing in my coilovers since Easter.”

After months of near silence, and with less than two months left to go before its usual weekend, H2Oi’s organizers finally announced the date for the event after a competing show started to gain a meager amount of attention.

“I didn’t want to set my plans for the wrong weekend,” Benedict added, smirking. “…and as for VAGWERKS, not even an Episcopalian would be caught dead there.”

Pope Benedict XVI's show-stopping Mk4

The announcement was made this morning in front of a crowd of several thousand onlookers after a special mass on the steps of the Vatican. Benedict added that he had hoped to attend Picklefest while vacationing in Ocean City as well.

In a special press conference just hours later, Archbishop Joseph DiAddazio, who had been in charge of the papal travel arrangements, expressed his regrets that the Pope would not be able to attend this year. “Its a shame, really. Had the announcement come just a few weeks earlier, we may have been able to make some concise plans.” The Archbishop added, “We’ve been repeatedly checking Travelocity and praying to Our Heavenly Father for guidance, but it doesn’t look our faith is going to be enough this time.”

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